Choosing Between Work and Love

QUESTION:

My husband keeps telling me that I don’t need a job, since he makes money to support the both of us. But I miss going to work. How can I do what I want without compromising the relationship?

ANSWER:

Kahlil Gibran wrote in his literary classic The Prophet a section about work. He wrote: “You work that you may keep pace with the earth and the soul of the earth. For to be idle is to become a stranger unto the seasons, and to step out of life’s procession, that marches in majesty and proud submission towards the infinite.”

Work is not only a financial incentive but also a healthy, productive, and meaningful way of living each day. Unfortunately, some men think that work is a burden to their fairer spouse and try to shelter her from the toils of labor. Sometimes, this predicament may come from his insecurity or self-appointed duty that makes him assume the role of the designated provider and sole warrior of the household. However, he has to respect you as a woman and an equal if you two are going to balance out the marriage and its financial returns, as partners.

He tells you that you don’t need a job, and in this financial situation, that may be true, but you definitely won’t be ready to contend in a competitive work environment if you can’t even express to him that you want to work! You are thinking of the repercussions before the proposal. Have an adult heart-to-heart with him and let him know that you are wasting your time, thoughts, and talents guarding the living room couch. Tell him directly that you want to explore some career opportunities where you can experience some accomplishment and self-worth.

If your husband gets defensive and inflexible about the situation and is adamant about you not working, then you need to effectively convey to him that you understand his stance, but the lack of work is making you feel stifled, suppressed, and most important, unhappy. Hopefully, he will listen to reason, empathize with your passion, and do his best to counter anything that is making his beloved wife feel less than fulfilled. Good luck, and remember that the ball is in your court.

Sources:

Gibran, Kahlil, The Prophet, Publisher, Random House: June 01, 1968