Dealing With A Friend’s Negative Energy

QUESTION:

My girlfriend is constantly one-upping me! Not always with good things. If I complain that my head hurts, she has a migraine. If I tell her that my boss sent me a reprimanding email, her boss told her off in front of the whole office. She barely listens to me or offers support. It is always about how much worse her life is than mine! What can I do to get her to be more supportive and less self-centered?

ANSWER:

Ask yourself one question. How important is this friendship?

You must connect to the people who can give you what you need. Reciprocity is a necessary ingredient for a strong and healthy friendship.

True friendships and the best relationships are about complementing each other, not competing with each other.

As I reflect on one of my longest and most cherished friendships, I think the reason why we are still so close is because we complement each other. I go to her when I need to calm down and get hold of the big picture. She knows that when she is feeling sad, I can always give her a funny parable or joke to make her feel better. When we talk on the phone, we literally take turns when we discuss our joys and the challenges we face in life. Reciprocity.

By asking what you can do to get her to be more supportive and less self-centered tells me that you are interested in keeping this relationship in place.

But, now, even when we love each other, there are times when we must gently, but firmly check each other…

If you have a strong bond, you need to be honest. Let your friend know that her whining act is truly placing a cramp in your relationship. Let her know that you need to hear more solutions. For example, encourage your friend to use her decision-making skills to secure a good doctor to help ease her migraine headache pain.

Help your friend understand that she needs to listen to you. She may mean well when she joins you in a “sad sack” session, but you must tell your friend, “I need you to listen to me. I want you in my life for years to come, but we need to be collaborators, not competitors in this relationship.”

Move on, Sister, move on…

After a passage of time, if this sister is still connected to her immature ways, perhaps you have outgrown the friendship. Wish her well and move on.

Final thought. As you move through your day, ask yourself one question, “What thoughts, ideas, actions, and people promote my total well being?”

Trust your gut. Sustain the glam. Maintain your grace.