The Choice Between Moving and Staying

QUESTION:

Last year I moved to DC for my boyfriend. We broke up just before Christmas. I have a job and some friends, but I don’t know whether or not I should stay here. I only moved here for him.

ANSWER:

I am so sorry to hear about your breakup. The end of a relationship right before the holidays is tough. However, consider yourself fortunate that during these challenging and changing times, you have a job and friends. Stay in a place of gratitude for all your blessings no matter what happens.

What’s done is done. Wish your ex well and carry on. Forgive. Don’t do it so much for him, but do it for yourself. Let nothing and no one stop you from living well.

I’ve got a three-step plan for you.

STEP ONE: LEARN FROM THE PAST

Learn your lessons. Thank all the people that have come into your life. We are each other’s teachers on this earthly journey. After this ordeal, will you ever again make a geographical move for your man or will you move because you want to? After this situation, will you ever let someone else overwhelm your life? You don’t want to repeat scenarios over and over again. Learn and get on with it.

STEP TWO: BE PRESENT

Operate in the present time. Be aware of the family and friends that can be your support system. Make the most of your current environment. But at the same time, ask yourself the hard questions: “Do I like the DC area enough to stay here? If I decided to move from DC, would it be easy to find another job? How will I recreate my life, if I decide to stay?”

STEP THREE: PLAN FOR THE FUTURE

As you plan, give yourself the gift of balance. Do not over plan and over project into the future. Make sure that you cultivate a plan of action, so that you will be spiritually, emotionally, and financially secure. If you need professional support, work with a pastoral counselor (talk to your imam, yogi, rabbi, minister, priest, or spiritual leader about options) or a life coach. A pastoral counselor or life coach can assist you with looking at your life in a holistic, realistic, and inventive way. Make sure that you do your homework. The life coach should be licensed and well-educated in his or her field. Ask your circle of friends for recommendations, and you might be able to secure a life coach reference.

The International Association of Coaching website can provide you with useful information, go to: www.certifiedcoach.org.

Encourage yourself. Life will be filled with twists and turns. You can make the choice to stay stuck or fly above your circumstances. You have the personal power to transform a troubling ordeal into one of the most rewarding opportunities of your life.

Trust your gut. Sustain the glam. Maintain your grace.