With the winter and holiday season looming ahead, it’s easy to forget to appreciate the things we have, especially when it comes to our love lives. For single ladies, that could be putting undue pressure on themselves to find a man, taking the focus off of their “status” or being afraid to step back into the dating game.

So, how does a single or paired-up lady remember to take care of herself this season? To get to the heart of it, I spoke with Dr. Paulette Murphy, a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with experience in individual, couples and group therapy. Dr. Murphy, who leads workshops in New York City called “Single and Dating in the City,” recently shared some good insights to keep in mind this season and year-round for the single lady:

Q: We often forget to be thankful during the year, which is what the holidays help remind us to do. What would you say to the woman that’s down about being single?

A: I think some of why some single women are down in general is because they don’t know how to enjoy being single.  Being single is a great time in your life; take the time to enjoy it.  If you are only focused on getting a man, then you will be down if you don’t have one.  A man should accent your life, not be your life.  Doing what you want when you want and not having to worry about anyone else is a luxury.  So decorate your apartment like you like or eat salad all week to save to buy those expensive boots you have been eyeing. Single women should be thankful they have their freedom, can spend time focusing on themselves, and that finding love is a process.  So enjoy all the kissing, laughing and dancing ahead!

Q: What pressures do women put on themselves to meet the one?

A:  A list of some of the pressures includes:

1. I can’t be happy without a man
2. I am a failure because I don’t have a man
3. My Mom was married by 30
4. All my friends have a man
5. I am the last one to get married
6. My birthday is coming and I don’t have a man
7. The holidays are coming and I am alone

There is nothing wrong with being focused on dating and finding a mate.  The problem is when women are not well rounded and not trying to work on other areas of their lives too!  

I think men can smell desperation a mile away and this ends up being a barrier to finding someone to love.  Asking too many questions on a first date about a man’s views on marriage, why they are single, how many kids they want, can turn a potential suitor off.

The question women should be asking themselves is if they are ready to date physically, financially, professionally and emotionally ready to date. I believe that if you are ready, they will come!

Q: With the holidays coming near, it can be hard for a single lady. What tips do you have to make sure she’s having fun and taking care of herself but not hung up on her “single” status?

A: In preparation for the Holidays, single women should engage in what I call positive planning.  They should think about and plan activities with friends and family in advance.  Invite family into town, especially young kids!  Nothing beats getting unlimited kisses and hugs from your cousins, nephews and nieces who think you are great!!!  Ladies should also start getting their look together (weight, hair, outfits), so they can look and feel as confident as they can during the Holiday Season.  Remember, holiday parties can be a great place to meet Mr. Right!

Q: For the woman that may be hesitant to “get in the game” — what do you say?

A: I would say, you have to be in it to win it.  Acknowledge that it is scary, but take baby steps to prepare themselves mentally to take that step.  I would also add, have fun!  Men are like buses; there is always another one in a few minutes.  So don’t worry if you feel you made a mistake, or missed an opportunity. Dating is a learning experience, and your mission is to discover what you like and dislike in a man.  My Workshop, Single and Dating in the City was created for women who want a fun supportive way to start understanding the dating game and to come up with a strategy.  The Workshop helps women find other women who are like-minded supportive and understanding.

For more about Dr. Murphy and her sessions in the city, visit singleanddatinginthecity.com!

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Just about every month we are celebrating something.  October was Disability Awareness Month.  The first week in October was Mental Illness Awareness Week. 

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) they are “the organization behind this week.  It was founded as a nonprofit, grassroots, self-help, and support and advocacy organization of consumers, families, and friends of people with severe mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia, major depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and anxiety disorders”.

NAMI continues to explain that “in 1990, the U. S. Congress established the first week of October as Mental Illness Week in recognition of NAMI’s efforts to raise mental illness awareness.  In 1990, mental health advocates across the country have joined together during the first full week of October to celebrate”.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) continues to fight to reduce the disgrace of persons living with mental disorders. The attempt is to eradicate the belief that these are acquired behaviors that should be changed by the person. The challenge is accepting that severe mental illnesses are biological in nature and genetic factors have been indirectly associated with some disorders.  Other severe mental illnesses can be due to family and environmental factors.  Severe disorders of the brain should be treated like any other illness of the body; with consultation therapy and appropriate prescribed medication by a physician.

Some effective treatments for mental illnesses are medication, shock therapy, or brain surgery.  Some disorders such as bipolar disorder and schizophrenia are treated primarily with medication.  Psychotherapy is also used as a treatment.  Depression is often treated with medication, but psychotherapy can be used with some patients.

It helps to be aware of mental illnesses around this time of the year because so many students, both secondary and college level, are under a tremendous amount of stress due to their desire to perform well and cope with more demands of life.  Many mental illnesses seem to manifest during young adulthood.  In October, students are settling into a routine for school and sorting out life’s priorities.  Some students may experience more anxiety than others and it’s helpful to know what some students maybe feeling while trying to cope with life’s responsibilities.  An awareness of mental illnesses during this time of year helps to identify new and different behaviors some people maybe exhibiting.

To learn more about mental illness awareness, consult your medical doctors.   

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When my kids were in nursery and grade school, it seemed that educating kids about ethnic diversity was almost as important as teaching them how to read. We parents used to joke that our kids knew—and celebrated—almost every single holiday known to mankind. They dressed up in costumes, sang songs and learned the traditions of different cultures around the world, made and ate an endless variety of food and read all kinds of globally inspired stories. Little anthropologists I called them. And they all loved it. I remember in kindergarten, they used to have a holiday party—chrismahanakwaanzakah—with menorahs, latkes, gingerbread houses, African masks and bright-colored streamers, dradels miniature pine trees and more. At home too, my guys would watch shows like Arnold, which featured a variety of ethnically diverse characters, and Dora the Explorer, along with a bunch of shows I have since forgotten about. There was no shortage of international savviness, even for my girls who adored American Girl Dolls and of course just had to have the Native American one.

It wasn’t until they got older though, that the work started to get put on the parents. Our innocent, fair-minded kids who never noticed color or race, were suddenly much more aware of their and their classmates color and racial background. And it wasn’t that they were unkind or even biased, they just started to pick up on what these differences meant.

Most of their non-racist attitude can definitely be attributed to this early exposure—I never consciously chose books, toys, puzzles and games for any of my kids that were designed to educate them about other cultures; I just bought what I thought was interesting and unusual—and durable. Had I lived elsewhere, or they gone to less diversity-driven schools, my job would have been a lot harder. I recently asked a couple of moms about how they’ve gone about teaching their children about other cultures, and what struck me in both conversations, is how naturally these moms fell into this, and how “normal” ethnic and racial awareness was for them and their families.

The Stilley family is teaching their family about different races through simple example, day in, day out. Patrice and David are an interracially married couple (she being African American and White, he is white), with two young daughters Vivian (3) and Eliza (6 months). Patrice’s extended family likes to refer to themselves as the United Colors of Benetton, or the UN, with family members ranging from Asian, to African American to Mexican. Says Patrice, “We speak multiple languages in our home, and have friends from around the globe. This year we are establishing a family tradition of serving at a soup kitchen around Thanksgiving. We believe in teaching our children to learn from our behavior.”

The Stilleys make sure to talk about not just different races, but different cultures and lifestyles. For example, they had apples and honey for Rosh Hosanna this year, and they talk about Kwanzaa, even though it’s Christmas they celebrate. “And,” says Patrice. “We make a conscious effort to purchase dolls (Vivian’s favorite toy) of all colors.”

They’ve yet to have a conversation about why Mommy & Daddy are different colors, or addressing racial or cultural slurs their daughters may hear. Says Patrice, “Frankly, I hope they have as blissful and upbringing as I had. It wasn’t until I got to college that I realized why my family elicited second looks or stares. I always thought it was because we had such a beautiful family. And of course, that’s what my mother always told me.”

For Hathaway Norman, who lives in Boston with her husband Charlie and daughter Adele—all Caucasian American—teaching a child about other ethnicities comes from the simple act of exposing children to different cultures.

Says Norman, “I never speak of the differences, I allow her to learn and absorb what she will and answer (to the best of my ability) her questions, when and if they arise.  I am trying to develop the sense that normal means different.”  

And how boring life would be if we were all the same, says Norman, who feels blessed to live in a city, and more specifically a neighborhood, that makes it easy to expose Adele to dozens of cultures.  Cultural appreciation extends to culinary adventures as well.

“We made a deal with our daughter that she doesn’t have to like everything but she has to try everything once, and even spitting it out in a napkin if she doesn’t like it is fine. This has slightly backfired; her favorite food is the sashimi starter at our local Japanese restaurant!”  

Ultimately for the Norman and Stilley families’ diversity is something that is not just celebrated, but insisted upon. Norman’s reasoning is sound, and she nails it on the head when she reminds us that each generation will be living in an increasing global community, so it is up to parents and teachers to instill appropriate cultural acceptance.  

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We’ve established before that women can run countries, lead companies, fight in wars and fires, raise families… These are all big things that require responsibility, strength and commitment, especially if you’re doing them solo.

However, if you’re lucky enough to be in a partnership in which you don’t have to carry many of life’s burdens alone, that’s also great. But, that also means you’re talking about two people in a relationship, which creates a whole new set of dynamics, where power in the relationship should ideally be shared. How do you determine which half of a relationship does what? Or, do you and a partner have to take on “specific roles” in order to make a relationship work?

Basically, when we’re considering any potential partner, we look for mates that bring their own “credentials” to the table – or, qualities that would make them real and true long-term material. Of course, many of us include the usually favorable things: smart, funny, compassionate, and so forth. But then there are the other sets of details to consider about what would make someone a valuable contributor to a relationship: good job, stable, financially savvy, family-oriented, focused, can help support a possible family. Suddenly, we’re talking about more than just a checklist, but determining whether a person has what it takes to be a pillar for their mate and to contribute to the larger picture – their relationship.

My favorite uncle is a senior level professional in the travel industry, which means he’s on the road often and works long grueling hours when he isn’t traveling. He’s also a very confident man, pretty stubborn and committed to spending every major holiday with every member of his family – essentially, a real family man. On the other hand his wife and my aunt is a different story: she’s a lot more laid back with a structured nine-to-five job. She also cooks a majority of the meals and makes sure my uncle remembers the kids’ events, and major family payments. And, he consults her intensely when it comes to the disciplining of the kids. And, when things arise that affect their whole family, they consult each other and make a decision together – a formula that has worked for them for nearly two decades.

While this is one example, the larger point here is that they have a partnership that works. And, while it may appear that one side of the relationship is wearing the pants, they each do their part to keep their family together.

Alternatively, if you have a woman that may be the breadwinner while the husband stays at home, does that mean she wears the pants? Well, while she may bring in the income, the husband at home also plays a huge role in making sure they function as a unit: keeping up with the house, raising the children. These aren’t things to be taken lightly, either.

Ultimately, in this day and age, and with gender roles shifting, the idea of “wearing the pants” isn’t quite what we think it is. While it’s clear that eventually, each half of a relationship will likely take on specific roles and responsibilities, the truth is that if any relationship is going to work, both sides need to be willing participants. It’s a partnership and every little action counts – which means both sides need to wear the pants at some point.

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Nail biting is a very common disorder.  Usually people bite their nails due to stressful situations. Nail biting typically starts during childhood and it progressively becomes a tendency as a person grows up.  A person often times start nail biting and sometime toe nail biting during stress, boredom, hunger, or nervousness.  Some people have found that biting the nails helps to relieve the tension of a stressful situation.  However, it is very important to get to the root cause of the stress or nervousness in a person’s life as one means to solve the nail biting problem.

Constant nail biting can lead to:

• Split or fractured nails
• Bleeding around the cuticles
• Infections
• Pain

There are a lot of germs living underneath the nails. Just think about where your hands have been and the number of times you where unable to wash your hands. Nail biting can transfer the germs from underneath the nails to the mouth and could lead to other illnesses.  It’s also been reported that nail biting in children could damage the teeth.

There are a number of steps a person can take to stop biting their nails:

• First and foremost, confront the source of your stress and nervousness.
• Develop stress management techniques.

• Keep your hands busy and distracted by writing in a journal, sewing, and knitting, planting or playing video games. Learn any activity that will be productive and keep the hands busy.
• Have regular manicures
• Try anti-nail biting polish such as Orly Nail Polish “No Bite’ Nail Treatment, Defender 10 Bite Ender, or Barielle No Bite Pro Growth.

People who are constant nail bitters should break the habit by consulting a medical doctor for other options and underlying psychological reasons for their disorder.

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For many couples the experience of parenting is a natural next step on the path to marital bliss—almost to the point where there’s little to no conversation about it other than, “when?”

This was certainly true in my case. And lucky for me, biology was on my side. Which, made me the envy of several friends who hadn’t counted on infertility. Nobody does. In fact, most of us women grow up with a positive pregnancy test as a beacon. Fortunately, none of them let their very intimate battle with Mother Nature get in the way of a good marriage. Proof that life without kids can be fulfilling, albeit a touch bittersweet at times.

But what about couples who don’t want children? Women in particular, who have exciting careers and enjoy traveling—both all over the world and up the ladder of whatever industry they’re in. You know the headline, Children vs. Career: A Difficult  Choice.

Maybe not.

Explains Tonya Burress, a 33-year-old broadcast producer working and living in NYC, “People assume it’s a ‘choice,’ but as far back as I can remember, I never had a desire to have children.”

This was a fact she made clear to her husband Charles back when they were on their third date.

“Things were feeling good, so I needed to know what his position was. If he wanted kids, we’d have had to say good-bye then and there.”

The conversation ended with a fourth date in place. Not once in 12 years, 5 of them married, has the question—or decision—haunted them. For Burress’ parents it was another story, but somewhere after the couple’s fifth anniversary, they let up.

The unexpected piece of the story is that both Tonya and Charles LOVE kids. They’ve got gobs of nieces and nephews, and plenty of friends who moonlight as parents. More often than not, there’s a minor in the house. And, Tonya has five siblings.

“My mom always wanted six kids, and my dad never said ‘No.’” Laughing, she adds, “And then she went and opened a daycare center!”

The idea of not wanting children is hard to understand for some, especially those who want to so badly, but can’t.

Says Burress, “Even before I met Charles, I felt satisfied about my life. WITH him, I feel even more complete. It’s not that I don’t like children; I just feel complete with my job, my husband, my friends, that there is no yearning.”

Being clear and upfront has made a difference in the success of their relationship.

People tend to be afraid to have this conversation, but it’s better to have it—and to have it early on. If you wait till after you’ve tied the knot, there’s a chance the outcome will be a marriage in ruins. And if either of you are wishy-washy, you need to take a hard look at that. People love to tell you ‘he’ll change, you’ll change,’ but trust me, nine out of 10 people won’t change.

It’s not just choosing career over mommyhood, it’s choosing the lifestyle that you’ll share with your partner. “I honestly have never thought about it,” says Burress. “Whether I had a great career or not, I just haven’t felt that tug. Sure it’s been good for my career—I can work late, travel readily—but it didn’t pull at me the way it does some women. And I feel grateful for not having to be weighed down with those emotions.”

Certainly Burress understands the dilemma, and the pain women feel who are unable to bear children. Her advice to those who can, but aren’t sure though, is “be sure. If you’re struggling to ‘decide,’ you need to spend more time with it.

by Dawn Else Warden

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Growing up as child of divorce from very early on in the game, I was not privy to the “perfect family” that many of my peers had, and later as an adult, that ‘Leave it to Beaver” life I’d envisioned, and to some degree, created, came to a screeching halt when my husband and I separated, then got divorced. And like many kids and single moms, I spent a lot of time longing for a pretty box I could put both my extended and broken family into. In the 60s, 70s and 80s when I grew up, a perfect family was one characterized by having a mom, a dad and a couple of biological children, all living under the same roof. The stark difference for a kid like me was that at holiday gatherings, nobody was missing. And, no one looked at you sympathetically. Feelings are similar when you’re a divorced mom—worse even, during the holiday season.

The hardest lesson I have had to learn as a divorced mom is that my family—my five children and me—are not broken. We are capable of, and deserving of, the sense of security and happiness that all intact families get a shot at. Being divorced—or a child of divorce—doesn’t mean you’re not a family. It just means someone is missing at least half of the time, including in your holiday card. (This is why many people embrace the “kids only” tactic.)

But honing in on divorced families isn’t the only way to think about what makes a family. The modern definition has changed drastically. If only we’d had mixed and same sex marriages when I was a kid. I would have felt much more normal. This is actually very good news for today’s children, many who are growing up in households that are far from those shown in some of my generations’ favorite sitcoms.

Feeling “normal,” and that you “belong” to someone is very important to kids. And, it’s also important to adults. If it weren’t, gay couples would not be fighting so hard for the right to be married. The fact that their parents are not married doesn’t bother kids so much IF there is love and nurturing all around them, but for adults, there are a number of “breaks” married couples get in terms of health insurance, loans and more. Being a “couple,” and a “family” has numerous benefits. Ultimately, in the eyes of the legal system, defining family is more than about how different individuals feel, it’s about how the rest of the world, views the family unit.

The landscape is certainly changing. Look around at your own peer group. How many of your friends and family are divorced? Gay? In a mixed relationship? Or adoptive parents of a child that’s not their race? How do you view them? Are they happy? Loving and caring with each other? Do they pay their taxes, decorate and maintain their homes, go to sporting events and all the things so-called “normal” families do? Of course.

As a society that’s gone pretty far left, it is surprising that many of us have such difficulty acknowledging this cultural shift. But I wonder if the reason shouldn’t be more related to the psychological needs of children in families where there is not a male or female role model for them. That certainly makes more sense than some of the comments I’ve heard over the past few years.

It’s beyond reasonable to fashion “family” into this: a close-knit unit of parents (single too) and kids (biological, adopted, foster) or an unmarried or childless couple, who share all of the important aspects of life together: love, a home, medical records, finances, holidays, parenting/pet responsibilities and vacations. Color, race, gender and marital status should not change how these families are viewed. Though, on some levels—taxes and health insurance—it’s easy to accept the fact that married couples have a few more “perks” than those who are single. After all, singles have perks too; health insurance for one is a lot cheaper!

The point is, the traditional nuclear family as the standard by which we all should live, is long gone. And economics have played a large role in this. But so has a more open, honest lifestyle where people are exerting their desire to be who, and with, they want to be. Parenthood is still a popular choice for many of these so-called renegade families, as creating a “nest” in which to take care of each other. It’s like the saying goes, “Love comes in all shapes and sizes.”

 ~by Dawn Elyse Warden

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These days, unless you’re willing to pay the big bucks for steady help with the daily grind, maintaining your home’s interior sparkle and shine is a family affair. Which unlike the good ole boy days means both genders are getting into the act. (Their future girlfriends and wives will love you for this!) Luckily for me, I’ve got all kinds of domesticated men in my life who have demonstrated to my three boys that there is no shame in vacuuming, doing dishes or laundry, grocery shopping, changing sheets, emptying the dishwasher or any other household to-do that’s well, got to get done. (Don’t be surprised though if they do a great job on all the above but still leave their rooms in volcanic eruption mode!) The worst of the whole process of getting them to participate isn’t a resistance to doing the chores; it’s that they want to do them on their own time—like AFTER the ten next scenes of their favorite episode of Man v. Wild. And just like their adult counterparts, nagging doesn’t work. But, monetary rewards do.

I recently asked my kids to create a chore chart that they would be responsible for. I told them to figure out what chores need to be done and who will do them. I gave them the option of rotating responsibilities so no one gets stuck with poop scooping or cleaning the bathrooms—just like adults; there are some jobs that each child enjoys doing more than others.

The prevailing strategy, being that I was worn out from the constant prods and subsequent, oft irreverent response, “I’ll do it in a minute;” and bugging them to reimburse me for their phones’ data plans.

The prevailing punishment: no weekend socializing until the chores have been taken care of. Pretty simple stuff.

But what if your son is too macho to get after that dishwasher or carpet? I say, don’t sweat it. There are plenty of man-friendly chores that personally, I really don’t want to do, nor do my daughters. You know the list: trash, recycling, snow shoveling, lawn mowing, kitty litter, cleaning the pool skimmer and scooping leaves, raking, vacuuming the basement or garage, sweeping the driveway… It’s not really so much what your young man does; it’s that he does SOMETHING. It is not fair for any parent, dad or mom, to feel like they’re the maid service. It sends the wrong message and sets kids—especially boys—up for a lazy, messy adulthood. The bottom line is that kids who leave dirty dishes, keep messy rooms, and play on the computer without helping—while you’re doing circles around them to keep the house clean and organized—they’re raising their parents to be their servants and learning a pattern of irresponsibility.

This is also why when your boys tell you’ll they’ll “do it later,” you have to leave it for them. This is something I consistently fail at. It is so hard to watch the trash start to spill over onto the kitchen floor while your son sends that last text or waits for a commercial. And, it infuriates my sons when I do it because it makes them feel guilty and if there is one thing the male species cannot deal with, it’s guilt. But, taking care of a home is a basic life skill—one that will come in handy when it’s time to go to college.

Kids like to make things harder than they need to—and often they say the same thing about we moms. But, it is not nuclear physics. Kids who help out and make life easier around the house for their parents and their siblings are more likely to be rewarded. I constantly remind mine, that the less stuff there is to do around the house, the more relaxed I’ll be, and the better the chances will be that they’ll get a “yes” on money for the movies, a ride to a friend’s, a favorite meal or after dinner treat.

~by Dawn Elyse Warden

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If you think about how people on average spend their time, you’ll realize one general truth: individuals spend about 7.5 hours a day working, according to numbers recently released by the U.S. Department of Labor. Roughly, that’s about one-third of an entire day, which essentially is a lot of time in one place and getting to know one set of people. In turn, relationships can form, both platonic ones and ones much more romantic in nature.

Love in the workplace is far from a new topic but it’s still a big deal with a lot of grey territory. On one hand, it may feel pretty sexy and daring to be with someone from work. You can get a glimpse of them at the office, steal a few special moments during lunch and breaks and it’s an automatic support system with your partner, making it easy to bond because you can share your highs and lows after your days at the office. With all these perks, it’s hard to think that there are any negatives.

However, when the fairytale ends is when we’re talking a different story altogether. Suddenly, you do everything you can to dodge them and if you worked on the same floor or in close proximity, watch out, because the glares and whispers and splitting up friends at work will soon follow. Suddenly, that workplace love you had to have doesn’t sound quite so sexy, does it?

While not all match-ups made at the office are bound to end, it is the possibility of that drama which can make having a romance at your place of work a questionable idea.

To get a little more information about the issue, I spoke with Nicole of Chicago, IL, a human resources professional at a corporate law firm, who shed some more light on how office romances are perceived and what a company’s stance may be on the issue. She pointed out that although the policies at her company had only come into effect within the last few years, there’s nothing that restricts two people from being in a relationship. At the same time, there are measures in place to address these types of things.

She said: “It’s [workplace relationships] not forbidden at my company. We do have policies and if it’s a supervisor-subordinate relationship then you should address it with the senior director of human resources, who will then try to reassign one of the two to another department or team. We understand that these things happen in large companies. It’s a great way to meet people and some relationships do work out. But, the company needs to protect themselves if the relationship goes south.”

Getting this kind of perspective, it is easy to understand the dangers of starting a workplace romance, so consider a couple of things before you cross that bridge:

1. Is this fling material or real long-term potential? It may be hard to see when things are sexy and new, but when the heat cools down, asking whether you have the makings of a real couple can put things in perspective.
2. Do I care what other people think? Typically, no fierce woman should care. But, if you’re not willing to take the whispers that may end up happening behind your back, strongly examine whether you’re OK with making yourself the subject of a lot of water cooler talk.
3. Am I willing to give up my job? May seem like a dramatic question, but maybe not. If things don’t work out, are you OK with shifting departments, locations or whatever it may be just to avoid seeing them? If not, then consider how much you really care about that person in the first place.

Ultimately, we can’t control whom we fall for and where it happens. And, while the office may be the most and least convenient place, only you can decide if it’s worth everything that comes with it.

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Food and Drug Administration advisors recently met to determine if Meridia, a weight loss drug, should be recalled. The average weight loss by uses of the drug was 8.8 pounds. This is not considered a great weight loss for the obese. The drug is marketed to the morbidly obese. There was however a 16% increase in the risk of heart attacks, strokes and death. As of time of reporting, the FDA has not made a final decision on Meridia. As for other weight loss drugs:  Qnexa was rejected.  Lorcaserin is being reviewed by the panel and Contrave will be reviewed in December.  The first rule of weight loss medication is Do No Harm, according to Dr. Jennifer Ashton, CBS News Correspondent (Safety of Three Diet Drugs in Question – CBS The Early Show)

Many people in our society are obsessed with weight.  Obesity is an epidemic in the Unites States.  Drugs and surgery are some methods to weight loss for the morbidly obese.  However diet and exercise are more healthy options. Before beginning any weight loss program, please consult your primary care physician.

Our goal as a society should be to be healthy. I surveyed adults between  the ages of 25 and 40 for this article. I found that men in general were more satisfied with their weight and focused on being healthy.   Per Andre’** of New York, “Guys don’t want to be trim and slim…I ideally wanted to be bigger and more defined.”  He actually went through a process of gaining weight and then shedding down to achieve the cuts and six pack he desired.

Women were more concerned about weight loss and being healthy.  Respondents sited the desire to look sexy, be comfortable in clothes and to be healthy as the prompts to change their current habits.  Dawn ** was prompted by chest pain to visit the doctor.  He advised her that she needed to loose weight.  It was not their first conversation about her weight, yet the chest pain was a new development.  She needed to get healthy fast.  Dawn hired a nutritionist.  She lost 18 pounds over two months and has managed to keep 10 pounds off over a six month period, with minimal exercise. 

Making small changes like taking the stairs, getting of off the subway one stop early, controlling portions, and listening to your body will help with weight maintenance and weight loss. Cole **of West Hartford noted that when he began controlling his portions, his stomach could no longer hold the larger meals.   He also makes it a point to get it in where he can…Exercise that is.  You can try knee lifts while waiting for the train, pushups while waiting for the microwave, or crunches while watching commercials.

One hundred percent of the participants agreed that the number on the scale was less important than overall health.  Eighty percent incorporated some form of exercise into their weight loss and approach to a healthier life style.  The methods of exercise included Mixed Martial Arts Classes, hiring personal trainers, walking, running, and incorporating a gym routine. Sixty percent of the women reported feeling  more healthy once they began their journey and STUCK some form of exercise routine.  Those who did not exercise did not feel as healthy.

Drugs and pills are a quick way to loose weight.  However, be cautious.  They may not be the most healthy way for you. Instead, try small changes to your diet and level of activity. Replace one soft drink with a glass of water.  Drink water in between meals. Use a smaller plate for meals. Run in place while the commercials play. Once you get going, make additional changes.

Being healthy is up to you.

** some names have been changed

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Mia Y. Pollard is a Certified Professional Coach and owner of Audacious Purpose Coaching and Consulting , Inc.  Mia is committed to living her purpose of helping women in transition maintain their balance and regain their power.  She can be reached at mia@audaciouspurpose.com

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