With the winter and holiday season looming ahead, it’s easy to forget to appreciate the things we have, especially when it comes to our love lives. For single ladies, that could be putting undue pressure on themselves to find a man, taking the focus off of their “status” or being afraid to step back into the dating game.

So, how does a single or paired-up lady remember to take care of herself this season? To get to the heart of it, I spoke with Dr. Paulette Murphy, a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with experience in individual, couples and group therapy. Dr. Murphy, who leads workshops in New York City called “Single and Dating in the City,” recently shared some good insights to keep in mind this season and year-round for the single lady:

Q: We often forget to be thankful during the year, which is what the holidays help remind us to do. What would you say to the woman that’s down about being single?

A: I think some of why some single women are down in general is because they don’t know how to enjoy being single.  Being single is a great time in your life; take the time to enjoy it.  If you are only focused on getting a man, then you will be down if you don’t have one.  A man should accent your life, not be your life.  Doing what you want when you want and not having to worry about anyone else is a luxury.  So decorate your apartment like you like or eat salad all week to save to buy those expensive boots you have been eyeing. Single women should be thankful they have their freedom, can spend time focusing on themselves, and that finding love is a process.  So enjoy all the kissing, laughing and dancing ahead!

Q: What pressures do women put on themselves to meet the one?

A:  A list of some of the pressures includes:

1. I can’t be happy without a man
2. I am a failure because I don’t have a man
3. My Mom was married by 30
4. All my friends have a man
5. I am the last one to get married
6. My birthday is coming and I don’t have a man
7. The holidays are coming and I am alone

There is nothing wrong with being focused on dating and finding a mate.  The problem is when women are not well rounded and not trying to work on other areas of their lives too!  

I think men can smell desperation a mile away and this ends up being a barrier to finding someone to love.  Asking too many questions on a first date about a man’s views on marriage, why they are single, how many kids they want, can turn a potential suitor off.

The question women should be asking themselves is if they are ready to date physically, financially, professionally and emotionally ready to date. I believe that if you are ready, they will come!

Q: With the holidays coming near, it can be hard for a single lady. What tips do you have to make sure she’s having fun and taking care of herself but not hung up on her “single” status?

A: In preparation for the Holidays, single women should engage in what I call positive planning.  They should think about and plan activities with friends and family in advance.  Invite family into town, especially young kids!  Nothing beats getting unlimited kisses and hugs from your cousins, nephews and nieces who think you are great!!!  Ladies should also start getting their look together (weight, hair, outfits), so they can look and feel as confident as they can during the Holiday Season.  Remember, holiday parties can be a great place to meet Mr. Right!

Q: For the woman that may be hesitant to “get in the game” — what do you say?

A: I would say, you have to be in it to win it.  Acknowledge that it is scary, but take baby steps to prepare themselves mentally to take that step.  I would also add, have fun!  Men are like buses; there is always another one in a few minutes.  So don’t worry if you feel you made a mistake, or missed an opportunity. Dating is a learning experience, and your mission is to discover what you like and dislike in a man.  My Workshop, Single and Dating in the City was created for women who want a fun supportive way to start understanding the dating game and to come up with a strategy.  The Workshop helps women find other women who are like-minded supportive and understanding.

For more about Dr. Murphy and her sessions in the city, visit singleanddatinginthecity.com!

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We’ve established before that women can run countries, lead companies, fight in wars and fires, raise families… These are all big things that require responsibility, strength and commitment, especially if you’re doing them solo.

However, if you’re lucky enough to be in a partnership in which you don’t have to carry many of life’s burdens alone, that’s also great. But, that also means you’re talking about two people in a relationship, which creates a whole new set of dynamics, where power in the relationship should ideally be shared. How do you determine which half of a relationship does what? Or, do you and a partner have to take on “specific roles” in order to make a relationship work?

Basically, when we’re considering any potential partner, we look for mates that bring their own “credentials” to the table – or, qualities that would make them real and true long-term material. Of course, many of us include the usually favorable things: smart, funny, compassionate, and so forth. But then there are the other sets of details to consider about what would make someone a valuable contributor to a relationship: good job, stable, financially savvy, family-oriented, focused, can help support a possible family. Suddenly, we’re talking about more than just a checklist, but determining whether a person has what it takes to be a pillar for their mate and to contribute to the larger picture – their relationship.

My favorite uncle is a senior level professional in the travel industry, which means he’s on the road often and works long grueling hours when he isn’t traveling. He’s also a very confident man, pretty stubborn and committed to spending every major holiday with every member of his family – essentially, a real family man. On the other hand his wife and my aunt is a different story: she’s a lot more laid back with a structured nine-to-five job. She also cooks a majority of the meals and makes sure my uncle remembers the kids’ events, and major family payments. And, he consults her intensely when it comes to the disciplining of the kids. And, when things arise that affect their whole family, they consult each other and make a decision together – a formula that has worked for them for nearly two decades.

While this is one example, the larger point here is that they have a partnership that works. And, while it may appear that one side of the relationship is wearing the pants, they each do their part to keep their family together.

Alternatively, if you have a woman that may be the breadwinner while the husband stays at home, does that mean she wears the pants? Well, while she may bring in the income, the husband at home also plays a huge role in making sure they function as a unit: keeping up with the house, raising the children. These aren’t things to be taken lightly, either.

Ultimately, in this day and age, and with gender roles shifting, the idea of “wearing the pants” isn’t quite what we think it is. While it’s clear that eventually, each half of a relationship will likely take on specific roles and responsibilities, the truth is that if any relationship is going to work, both sides need to be willing participants. It’s a partnership and every little action counts – which means both sides need to wear the pants at some point.

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If you think about how people on average spend their time, you’ll realize one general truth: individuals spend about 7.5 hours a day working, according to numbers recently released by the U.S. Department of Labor. Roughly, that’s about one-third of an entire day, which essentially is a lot of time in one place and getting to know one set of people. In turn, relationships can form, both platonic ones and ones much more romantic in nature.

Love in the workplace is far from a new topic but it’s still a big deal with a lot of grey territory. On one hand, it may feel pretty sexy and daring to be with someone from work. You can get a glimpse of them at the office, steal a few special moments during lunch and breaks and it’s an automatic support system with your partner, making it easy to bond because you can share your highs and lows after your days at the office. With all these perks, it’s hard to think that there are any negatives.

However, when the fairytale ends is when we’re talking a different story altogether. Suddenly, you do everything you can to dodge them and if you worked on the same floor or in close proximity, watch out, because the glares and whispers and splitting up friends at work will soon follow. Suddenly, that workplace love you had to have doesn’t sound quite so sexy, does it?

While not all match-ups made at the office are bound to end, it is the possibility of that drama which can make having a romance at your place of work a questionable idea.

To get a little more information about the issue, I spoke with Nicole of Chicago, IL, a human resources professional at a corporate law firm, who shed some more light on how office romances are perceived and what a company’s stance may be on the issue. She pointed out that although the policies at her company had only come into effect within the last few years, there’s nothing that restricts two people from being in a relationship. At the same time, there are measures in place to address these types of things.

She said: “It’s [workplace relationships] not forbidden at my company. We do have policies and if it’s a supervisor-subordinate relationship then you should address it with the senior director of human resources, who will then try to reassign one of the two to another department or team. We understand that these things happen in large companies. It’s a great way to meet people and some relationships do work out. But, the company needs to protect themselves if the relationship goes south.”

Getting this kind of perspective, it is easy to understand the dangers of starting a workplace romance, so consider a couple of things before you cross that bridge:

1. Is this fling material or real long-term potential? It may be hard to see when things are sexy and new, but when the heat cools down, asking whether you have the makings of a real couple can put things in perspective.
2. Do I care what other people think? Typically, no fierce woman should care. But, if you’re not willing to take the whispers that may end up happening behind your back, strongly examine whether you’re OK with making yourself the subject of a lot of water cooler talk.
3. Am I willing to give up my job? May seem like a dramatic question, but maybe not. If things don’t work out, are you OK with shifting departments, locations or whatever it may be just to avoid seeing them? If not, then consider how much you really care about that person in the first place.

Ultimately, we can’t control whom we fall for and where it happens. And, while the office may be the most and least convenient place, only you can decide if it’s worth everything that comes with it.

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In talking about relationships, there’s no denying that we are also sexual beings. By that, I don’t mean crave and always ready to get busy (although that could apply to many of us). No, I’m talking about the fact that we physically respond to someone that we desire. That is, we have a natural urge to crave intimacy with someone we want. It’s very beautiful.

However, where it gets tricky – and what I want to scratch beneath the surface of – is making the distinguishing factors between simply the act of sex from making love, which tackles the emotional side of things, way beyond the hormone rush that drives you to do the deed in the first place.

Now, to talk about this issue, it’s important to lay down a little groundwork: both conventional wisdom and various studies all seem to point out that women are typically more emotional creatures, while men are concerned with physical dominance, all likely due to how we’re biologically made up. That said, it’s typically natural for a woman to link emotions to events, acts and so forth, while emotion isn’t immediately tied to these things for a man.

Again, these are all typical and conventional wisdoms. And while women are increasingly empowered and in control in today’s day and age, there are some elements of biology that are more nature than anything else.

That’s why, to get to the heart of this, I spoke to several fun, smart, sexy guys to get their thought process on whether they make these distinctions, how they make the difference, and their opinions on doing the deed. What came through were a few key things:

For starters, Ricardo C, 29, Chicago, IL pointed out the animalistic side of things: the gratification and conquest more than anything else.

He said, “Booty call, one night stand, or just sex, it’s more animal like.” For him, it was more about the mix between “domination” and “gentleman” but making sure that there’s that physical satisfaction at the end for both involved.

Along similar lines was Victor G, 36, Houston, TX, who said: “For me, I’ve never made love, it was just sex. The relationships (relations) I’ve had…mostly for the act, to conquer. Sometimes I’d get what I want and move on. Sometimes I didn’t get what I want and again, move on. Sometimes from either of those, I might’ve made a friend.”

Joseph N. S., 27, Chicago, IL, also seemed to echo the themes of dominance or self-gratification, although he also insists that he’s never slept with a woman that he wasn’t interested in. He also noted that when you’ve made love to someone there’s no “buyer’s remorse afterward,” or that doubt.

On the flip side of all this, Tom, 29, Austin, TX makes a softer and logical point, talking about the quality of experience and level of interest when it comes to the lovemaking aspect over the sex.

He said: “ ‘Making love’ is a far superior experience for me than just plain sex.  I don’t think there is an objective path towards ‘making love’ but it involves a deeper level of intimacy and interest.”

No matter how you slice it, it seems pretty clear that at the heart of it all, sex is a very physical act, independent of deeper emotion. It’s often about the thrill. However, take it to another level and then you have intimacy.

Is it possible to have sex and make love all at the same time? Of course it is! Both men and, as some brilliant sex therapists point out, women do it. However, the thing to make clear is that the sex can become the lovemaking when there’s emotion on both sides. That takes it from just a physical high to the stuff that the sexy Maxwell jams about in Urban Hang Suite, know what I mean?

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So it’s official. You’ve landed that date with the cutie you’ve been eyeing. Finally! Naturally, you’re thinking about the usual: Do we do drinks, dinner and a movie or something a little more creative? Do we go to my neighborhood, his, or neutral ground? Then of course there’s the big one: What in the heck are you going to wear? 

Before you know it, you’ve got the location, date plans and even the killer pumps and sexy hoops that will set off the perfect outfit. Sounds like you’re ready. Well, almost. Now it’s time to think of conversation. What will you talk about?

You want things to flow naturally, which of course should be the case. At the same time, you want to make sure that you avoid topics of conversation that may not quite be first date material because (a) it may take out some of the mystery in the dating thing or (b) would scare him away – neither of which you want if you hope to see him again.

That said, here are a couple of topics you may want to consider skipping over, at least on date one:

Ex-Boyfriends: This one is pretty straightforward. Talking about how the ex meant so much to you, did you wrong, or anything like that is a buzz kill. Not only does it show your potential new man that you have a hard time letting go, but it also makes him feel like the rebound – which will greatly reduce the chances of a second date.

Salary: Women are definitely coming up and earning more and more these days, there’s no doubt. That said flaunting money in front of a new date might make you seem like a gold digger, superficial and materialistic. Steer clear!

Marriage & Kids: Another obvious one, but still worth noting. What’s more is that this one can come up in an indirect fashion. For example, talking lots about friend’s weddings, or how much you love kids may raise flags in his head, especially before you’ve gotten the check. Besides, you’ll find out soon enough if he’s long-term material.

Sex: Sure, you’re attracted to him. The chemistry feels like it’s on fire! But, holding off on the topic of sex is a smart way to play it on the first date. First, this speaks back to that mystery element. Do you really want to give it all away too soon? Second, you don’t want him to think you’re easy. You’re worth waiting for – it’s an honor for him to be with you. So make him wonder! It’ll make the physical encounter much sweeter, too.

Religion & Politics: Such natural topics of conversation! And, while this is definitely something you can and should talk about eventually, they’re heavy topics to talk about so early in the game. If you’re a passionate Democrat and your date is with a raging Republican or Libertarian, it could affect how you see them – even if you love the same movies, music and drinks. So, give them a level playing field and keep the conversation a little lighter. Once you can get past that, the deeper stuff is easier to handle.

Ultimately, the first date is really to build off of the initial spark, so keep it fun, flirty and with just enough mystery to keep things exciting. If it will make you feel better, you can even consider having some fun questions in the back of your mind that will give you a picture of your date, like the one person they would want to meet or the items they can’t live without. Hopefully, that will help you come up with lots more things you’ll want to know – which you can have answered on your next date!

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When it comes to seducing your man, there is one thing that’s true: if the chemistry’s there, the right touch is all it takes to take your private time to the sexiest level.

But, what about keeping the fire going without touch? It’s possible to build some serious heat and passion that way, making him so hot he won’t be able to wait to get at you. And maybe when all that tension bubbles over and you have no choice but to finally get it on, it may top some of the best sex you’ve ever had. After all, isn’t that how it usually goes when you satisfy an unbelievable craving?

So try one of these ways to turn him on and build the tension for your next heat-filled night!

• Peep show: Giving him a chance to watch as you undress or shower is a special show just for him. So next time you’re heading for an extra long shower or slipping out of your clothes after a long day, let him watch. He’ll be climbing the walls to touch you.

• Sexy notes, texts, or photos: When he can’t be near you, leaving him little reminders of the fact that you can’t wait to ravage him is a great way to keep him thinking of – and craving – you. Scribble him little notes or take some hot photos and leave them at his place or in his pocket. (Of course, you may want to spell out to your man that it’s meant for only his eyes).

• Midnight phone call: After a long day, his voice can do just the trick to put you to bed, especially if you can’t be together. Consider calling him in the middle of the night and tellingl him you are thinking of him. It may lead to a midnight phone sex session that may make him run over to your place to satisfy the urge.

• Musical seduction: We all know there are some songs that can do wonders to get you in the mood. Classic jams by Marvin Gaye and Al Green, or even Maxwell, Usher, Ne-Yo, or Tyrese define “sexy”. Try burning some of your favorites and slipping a CD into his bag or leaving it at his place. That’ll be the only soundtrack you need the next time you see each other.

• Blindfolded taste test: Cover your man’s eyes and sit him down to feed him tasty fruits and treats, and have him guess what they are. The mix of not knowing what’s coming next, tasting decadent flavors, and you feeding him will definitely excite him!

• Wear his favorites to bed: Put on a sexy nightie and wear it to bed the next time he stays over. Watching that satin or silk on you will certainly be enough for him to scoop you in his arms and have his way with you.

• Move your body: Do some sexy stretches to soft music while he’s in the room. Watch him put the Blackberry aside or put down the remote just to pay attention to your every bend and curve. He’ll love it.

• Cybersexin’: This is the age of the Internet. So use it! Set up a date via instant messenger with your man and start describing what you would do to each other. Soon, your fingers will be burning up the keyboard as you get carried away with your fantasy – and you’ll be itching to try it all out.

• Sexy movies: Movies with a steamy sex scene always make for good viewing time. Choose a few, like Disappearing Acts or Unfaithful, with some hot scenes and bring it over for a movie night. Now there’s a nice treat.

• Leave your scent: Is there a fragrance you wear that he can’t get enough of? Try wearing some the next time you see him, or leave a little on his pillow. That should make for some very sweet dreams for him.

• Erotic story time: Bookstores are filled with sexy books that make for quick reads and have some very satisfying scenes. Pick one up, maybe your favorite titles by Zane, and read a couple of chapters together each night. Soon, you’ll be aching to act out your own chapters!

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The old saying “It’s a Man’s World” may not be so true. It is a different era as ladies climb new heights.  If you doubt it, consider statistics from the Department of Labor released in 2009, which revealed that women comprise 46.8 % of the total U.S. labor force. It gets better: the largest percentage of employed women, at 40 %, worked in management, professional, and related occupations, while another 32 % worked in sales and office occupations.

In short, there is no doubt that women are making work a bigger part of their lives, which means a very full plate for the lady that has both a career and a partner in her life. As this becomes more commonplace, the question to consider is whether it is indeed possible to have both a successful career and relationship.

For some, there is no doubt. Take Katya H., 30, Chicago, a corporate public relations executive married to a lawyer. As you would probably imagine, their demanding careers can make things difficult. However, as Katya notes, success in both their relationship and their careers can happen but not without a little work.

“Yes, it’s possible to have it all, but don’t look for anyone to hand it to you. I’ve been career-focused all my life, from environmental advocacy for NGOs to corporate PR-and none of my jobs have been 9-to-5. I haven’t historically been able to give that up, but when you find someone who’s right, I found that two things happen: one, you have to stop insisting on everything ‘your way’ – including the way your time is spent. That insistence may’ve gotten you where you are today, but if you’re not going to accommodate someone else, that person’s not going to stick around. Secondly, the guy is willing to support your career rather than replace it. It takes a lot of humility on his part, and I’m thankful for it every day.”

Katya also shared some insight based on advice she has received.

“The best relationship advice I ever got was: if you give 100 % to the relationship, you will always have 100 %,” said Katya. “If you give 50 % and expect the other person to give 50 %, you’re going to have instances when you come up short. It’s a lot of work, but for me, it’s that or be single for the rest of your life. And I wasn’t happy with that option.”

While Katya’s story paints one picture, Elissa C., 30, Chicago had a trickier journey, marrying her husband at 22, and having her daughter less than a year later. Since contemplating divorce, she has recommitted herself to her family, realizing that she wanted to have them and keep her demanding career as an investigator.

“What I realized about the idea of ‘having it all’ is that it is less about ‘having it all’ and more about ‘having it all work for you’. I have taken all the aspects of my life and made a crazy puzzle. Sometimes I have to file down a corner of the ‘career’ piece in order to fit it with the ‘family’ piece… But no matter how much I have to work to make the puzzle come together, when it’s done I realize one thing, my mom did the same thing and her kids and husband turned out alright.”

While these sound great, Judi, 28, New York, is in a long-term relationship and admits that while she wishes relationships with her friends were better, strength is key.

She said “Whether you can have it all is defined by how aggressive you are. If you want to have it then you should be able to, as long as you are strong and believe in both elements. I wish I could improve the relationships with my friends and I do the best I can but aside from that, I am happy with where I am.”

Ultimately, having it all depends on your point of view. However, as long as both parties are committed, supportive of each other, and willing to give a little, then maybe that saying is true: a woman really CAN have it all.

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One of your closest girls, a top-notch wing-woman, quality party mate, or your Friday night martini partner has taken the plunge. She’s decided to take the marriage leap with her long-time beau! Now, while you’re bummed that you’ll have a little less time with your partner in crime, it’s great that your pal has found the love of her life. This, of course, means that in the middle of helping her plan the wedding of her dreams you’ll need to make sure that her last days of singlehood are celebrated in style and with a touch of sexy. Enter the bachelorette party.

Hitting the bar or giving the future missus a lavish dinner are both conventional ways of celebrating your friend’s last days of being single and carefree, so why not make this night one to remember by spicing it up? Here are a couple of ways you can make this a truly unforgettable night for the bride-to-be.

1. Sex Toy Party. This can be a great way to kick up the sexiness! All it takes is the privacy of someone’s living room and hiring a consultant who will do the demonstrations and have some of the products on hand. Companies such as Passion Parties (http://www.passionparties.com/) specialize not only in developing sexual aids and toys, but also in helping to plan private parties where women can learn about and buy some of these products. This is a perfect way to get a little sex advice and find that next toy for your boudoir.

2. Pole or Lap Dancing. These are becoming increasingly popular, as many more gyms offer them as bona-fide workouts. So turn up the sex appeal and work up a sweat by adding this to your party lineup! Many places offer them as private classes, so get the guests to pool their money together and pay for the cost of a session. Companies such as S Factor (http://www.sfactor.com/) or Flirty Girl Fitness (http://www.flirtification.com/index.asp) have instructors all across the U.S. Besides, the class is bound to be useful for everyone and teach the bride a few moves she can use later on in married life.

3. Games, Games, Games. What is a bachelorette party without games? Scheduling in a few of these is just the trick for adding heat to the night. There are many you can pick up in novelty stores, or you can consider making up some of your own. One sample game you can try: Get a bunch of the attendees to admit some of their craziest sexual escapades and then write them up with no names included. Afterwards, drop them in a hat, mix them up, and have the girls pull them out at random to guess whose story it belongs to. That should make for some fun revelations!

4. Hot Male Dancer. This one is a tradition of the bachelorette party and many would argue that the celebration isn’t quite complete without this ingredient. Of course, even this one requires a bit of planning! If you do choose to have an exotic dancer, consider looking into established companies to hire one, like Chippendales (www.chippendales.com) or Manhattan Men (www.manhattanmen.com). Also, try to get a sense of what kind of guy the bachelorette would like. After all, it is her party. If she’s going to get one more lap dance before taking the plunge, make sure it fulfills her fantasies, too!

The great thing about this kind of party is that there are no real rules to throwing it. Just make sure that fun and memorable are at the top of the agenda. Oh, and don’t forget to visit a novelty store or an online shop like the Bachelorette Party Store (http://www.bachelorettepartystore.com/) or Bachelorette.com (http://www.bachelorette.com/ideasadvice.html) to pick up some fun party favors! What’s a sexy bachelorette party without feather boas, penis candies, crazy shot glasses, and funny blow-up dolls, anyway?

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One of the best things about being with someone special is that feeling that takes over. You know what I’m talking about. It’s that passion, spark, or fire which fuels you with an energy so rare that you know you’ve found someone worth keeping in your life. In short, you’re sprung, and this feeling is not like any other one because it’s – gasp – love!

Yes, that little four-letter word has a big meaning that takes you from something casual to more. Basically, you’ve decided that you have the most intimate feelings for someone who is made up of the traits that you want that “one” to have. Suddenly, the stuff you hear about in all those songs, movies, and fairytales makes sense.

Whether you knew right away or it snuck up on you, coming to terms with loving someone is powerful, thrilling, and scary all rolled into one. At the same time, that euphoria also comes with its own pressures. So now what do you do?

Well, let’s consider it. On the one hand, saying it can be like a high. Knowing that the person you want feels the same way can take you to a totally new level. On the other hand, what if someone broke your heart before? Then that high can shake you into reality.

Either way, loving someone is an incredible thing and you should enjoy it! But whether you’re fine just blurting out your undying love or the thought of it scares the heck out of you, make sure that you’re keeping a few things in mind:

The Motivation. What’s driving you to make this declaration? Is it a buildup of actions and feelings over time? Is it a rebound thing? Or are all your friends running down the altar and you can’t wait to do it too? While it’s great to feel like you’re in love, make sure you’re clear on what’s driving it.

How You Say It. Dropping the “L” bomb for the first time is a big step. So, you want to say it in a way that works for you but is genuine and intimate. For example, putting it on a jumbotron at a sporting event in front of thousands of people could put someone in a really awkward position! So, instead, consider an intimate way of doing it so you can talk about it and “celebrate” privately, while sitting down to a dinner for two or while walking home after a movie. Remember, the first time around, it’s about you and that other person. No one else.

Timing. Blurting it out when you’re close to an orgasm could be one way to go, but maybe not the best moment since your body and emotions may be in overdrive. Similarly, using the word “love” a couple of weeks into a relationship can be considered overkill. The last thing you need is someone running for the hills. It doesn’t mean you can’t come right out and say it. But make sure you’re in a moment when you’re both clear and hopefully not distracted by other things.

At the end of the day, saying those three words is not easy. But then again, many of the best things in life don’t come without a little challenge. No matter how you put it, one thing is for sure: it’s not something that you should take lightly. It cannot be just anyone you give your heart to. So, be wise about why, when, and how you say it. And of course be sure about the person!

One more thing: don’t panic. It’s not a race to the finish line. Hopefully, by the time you’re ready to come clean, you’ll be 100% sure. Besides, you deserve to say those words to someone worthy and who feels the same way.

Written by Jenina Nuñez

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Before getting married or committing to a long-term relationship, there are a few topics to consider regarding the compatibility of you and your mate. It is important to have an open and honest line of communication before marriage. Some of these topics can be very sensitive and difficult to discuss openly. You may want professional counseling to help you and your partner with the process. You will decide what topics are most important for the proposed union.

The following tips to consider are topics you should discuss with your mate-to-be before tying the knot:

1. Background check to find out if your mate has committed a felony.

2. Genetic testing for compatibility when having children.

3. If children are in the forecast, when to have children and how many.

4. Discipline philosophy for children (i.e. spanking or no hitting whatsoever).

5. Credit check, investments, house purchase, bill paying, checking accounts.

6. Religious affiliations.

7. STDs, if any.

8. HIV/AIDS test.

There should be no surprises when it comes to a serious romantic relationship. You know what is important regarding your relationship with your partner. The more you know, the more you can grow. Good luck!

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